All I want is just spend my evening alone. Spend it as I want. Don't I deserve it?
I want calm sitting with a bottle a good beer and playing Skyrim or watching a movie or anime.
I want to jump and shout out and growl at the rock concert. I want to lie down on the bed reading a book in silence.
It seems I don't deserve any happiness. 

I have my own bushido. My own rules. They appeared during my life. I make them and my rules make me.I don't want to change them. I don't want to ruin myself.